Love To Remember
by lavenderx
Summary: I try to remember how his arms feel around my body, how his kisses send shivers up and down my spine. How safe it feels, hearing his sweet whispers in my hair as I am drifting off to sleep. MeredithDerek. Oneshot.


**A/N:** Okay, so, I got bored a couple of days ago and felt the urge to do some writing. So I did, and here's what I got. Kind of short, slightly confusing, perhaps, but yeah. Takes place a few weeks after Derek chose Addison, in mid-season 2. Aaand that's pretty much all you need to know, I guess. Read, review and make my day! Mwah!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Grey's. Sadly enough.

x-

It is a cool autumn night. The rain calmly rattles on my windowpane in a humming symphony and I can make out a light breeze of cool air brushing against my right leg as I lay in bed, tangled in sheets. I lay on my side, my eyes focused at the wall in front of me, as I'm staring out in space. It's been two hours since I got home and crawled into bed from a thirty hour shift, and I haven't yet fallen asleep. I try to remember the last time I've slept throughout the night in the last couple of weeks. I can't think of one. I've slept at on calls room, quick naps every now and then. I've fallen asleep in my own bed a few times, mostly out of exhaustion, but only to wake up to wet cheeks and a sweating body. I have gotten so used to having him here, in bed with me. In the month or so that we were together, he slept in my bed every night. Or I slept in his. Nevertheless, after trying to sleep on my own, I've found out that the bed's awfully empty without anyone to share it with. Without him to share it with.

I feel numb.

I close my eyes, shutting them tightly together and I try to remember how his arms feel around my body, how his kisses send shivers up and down my spine. How safe it feels, hearing his sweet whispers in my hair as I am drifting off to sleep.

Suddenly I feel the whole room shift, another person's presence lingering in the air. I can feel someone looking at me, staring at my sleeping figure, but my eyes stay closed. Even in the dark, even when the person is standing feet away from me, I can feel the familiar scent of cologne and something... secure. Something safe. I immediately know who the person is, and the thought alone, of him standing in my bedroom, staring at me, makes me shiver. He doesn't say anything and he doesn't move, as if he's hesitating for what to do next. I hold my breath as I'm waiting for him to speak, to move, to do anything. A few moments pass by and then I feel my mattress shift, his body curling up next to mine. I can feel his hot breath on my neck, the warmth of his body inches away from mine, though we aren't touching. I fight the urge to move closer to him, wanting to feel his body pressed up against mine.

"Meredith," he whispers with a voice so soft I can't figure out if he even meant to say it out loud. "Meredith," he says again, this time a bit louder, but still in whispers.

I'm afraid to answer, afraid that if I do it will make him say things. Bad things and then he'll leave. I don't want him to leave. I don't _ever_ want him to leave. So I stay quiet, hoping that he'll stay, hoping that we could stay like this forever. His body next to mine. His heartbeat close to mine.

"Meredith," he repeats my name once again, and I wonder if I'll ever get tired of hearing my name coming from his lips.

His hands move from the mattress to my waist, his fingertips trailing a way from my hipbone to underneath my Dartmouth sweater, at the soft skin at my flat stomach. I shiver slightly, and he carefully moves his head up so that his mouth finds my ear. "Meredith," he says again before he takes my earlobe into his mouth, nibbling tenderly. I gasp at that, letting a soft, soft moan escape my lips. "Derek," I say, finally letting him know that I'm there.

By the help from his hand on my stomach, he gently rolls me over and for the first time since he's entered my bedroom, I slowly open my eyes. I can make out his face in the dark, and as soon as my eyes find his blue ones, I'm lost. His eyes, full of hurt, love and lust, are all I see. His arms make their way behind me and rest on my back for a second, only to pull me closer to him. He doesn't say anything as he leans forward, capturing my lips with his own. He lets the kiss speak for itself.

The kiss is soft and gentle at first, but filled with so much emotion it actually feels overwhelming. It's the first kiss we've shared in weeks, and yet when his lips are pressed against mine, it feels like it was only yesterday. When feeling his lips against mine, I feel safe. I feel home. I feel like this is where I belong. And the time that has passed since the last time we've done this doesn't matter. In this second, it doesn't matter. The only thing that does matter is the way my stomach fills with butterflies as his touch and I swear I can do this forever.

The kiss grows more intense and his tongue enters my mouth, searching and exploring every corner of it. I put my hands on his chest, and I can feel his touch at my bare stomach, going up to stroke the side of my breast with his thumb. "Derek," I moan against his lips, the butterflies in my stomach growing bigger and bigger at the moment.

We continue our passionate kissing for a few more minutes before I pull back slightly, reality washing over me. "What are you doing here?" I whisper at his lips, half of me afraid to find out the answer, half of me eager to.

He keeps his head close to mine, his blue eyes gazing into my green ones. "I love you, Meredith Grey," he says as an answer to my question. "I love you," he repeats in a soft whisper and he kisses me once more before the rain outside grows heavier and within seconds I find myself alone again.

The rain outside comes closer and closer and I sit up in bed, feeling more awake than I've felt in weeks.

My hands immediately go up to my kiss swollen and throbbing lips, gently touching them.

I swear I can still taste him on my tongue.

x-

_I search through my dreams carefully  
Just to make sure that I don't leave one tiny memory  
'Cause I dream of the love I remember_


End file.
